You’re Mad At Lil Nas X Because You Suck At Life

Can you Crip Walk in these?

So, I don’t know if you know this but uhh….Lil Nas X was/is a Barb. That would be a Nicki Minaj stan. What you wouldn’t know though is Barbs are an elite squad of internet ninjas that seek and destroy without hesitation, couth, or care. So if you think you, in your big ass age, is going to subdue and defeat an expert level troll like Lil Nas X…..ahahahaha you’re so screwed.

This young rapper represents a wide audience when it comes to the Zoomers, but specifically, he embodies the young queer crowd. They ARE DONE WITH OUR BULLSHIT. They have been getting trashed from every direction since their inception. But let’s focus on the Black community. Especially the Black Christian community. All that “you’re going to burn in hell, you’re going to hell, and the gay agenda” talk has been in overdrive for as long as these babies can remember. Y’all beat them into a corner with your homophobia and Bible thumping. Now the corner is punching back REALLY HARD and you’re surprised?

Let me be clear: the Zoomers DO NOT give a shit about our rules of engagement. They are justice terrorists. They will not avid by your standards. On the contrary, they are taking your rules and beating the dog piss out of you with it. And that is why you’re upset. They won’t fight fire with fire: they’ll just use a fucking meteor instead. They won’t simply argue their point: they will jam a megaphone up your ear canal. Simply put: your arms are too short to box with God and this man just dry humped Satan, so really what the hell are going to do about that?

I wished, prayed, and dreamed of the days in my childhood where my cries of desperation could be heard. I applaud X because I recognize his energy. He’s an asshole. I know that like myself, there were plenty of kids who became assholes because we never asked to be here; forced into boxes we couldn’t fit; bred to obey rules in a culture and country that never wanted us. We spit flames and pissed acid. But we couldn’t buck the system. A lot of us burned out, self destructed, or just gave up. So our adulthoods, for better or worse, reflect all the missed opportunities of our youth. That’s why someone like Lil Nas X and many of his generation impresses me: they’re able to do what I saw many try and fail to do and succeed so well that they are driving the offended ballistic. And the trolling? Ahh, chef’s kiss. Magnifique.

If this makes you uncomfortable…there was no one actually in the chair. Also, you’re weird.

You can either be an asshole by nature or by circumstance. But should it be by circumstance, that means there is a score to settle. A vendetta to uphold. The Zoomers are declaring war and none of the offended have the talent to win. Period. You’re outgunned, outmanned, outsmarted, and worst of all, CRANKY. Your lack of imagination and awareness are the tools they’re using against you, with your reaction proving they are doing a fantastic job.

If you can’t tell by now, this is what self love looks like. This is what happens when you are done being paralyzed with fear after the old guard and their archaic ways have tried to break your spirit. This is reusing negativity to breed positive results…but also being petty at the same time. Because honestly…revenge is the sweetest joy next to getting……well, you know what Pac said.

So while you see a young Black man with red cornrow extensions pole dancing and giving Satan the biggest fire bulge of his life while also pitching sneakers that have a drop of his blood, I see some of the funniest and most visceral trolling ever. I. AM. AMUSED.

PS: Old Town Road is about drugs and sex, and you let your kids pimp you out into playing it 30x a day. Good luck wiping the egg off your face.

RIIIIIIDE TIL I CAN’T NO MORE.

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A wonderful fusion of Brooklyn, whiskey, the Caribbean, and snark all wrapped into one person who may or may not be a wee bit touched. You decide. @risingdemise

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Joel Philip

Joel Philip

A wonderful fusion of Brooklyn, whiskey, the Caribbean, and snark all wrapped into one person who may or may not be a wee bit touched. You decide. @risingdemise

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